A lot of people are delighted to see any pocket pair. I am not one of those people, and neither should you be.

Pocket pairs are like high-pressure areas on a weather map. Sure, they're great for a little bit, but they're always followed by a whole lot of extended crappiness, very tight isobars, and a set of 9s. By far the worst pocket pair to have is jacks, otherwise known as fish hooks. Sure, they look fancy and all, but as long as you remember they're jacks, you're going to be in a world of hurt.

Over many years of developing my poker skills, I've learned many lessons, the most important of which is that Doyle Brunson loves the refried beans as the Isle of Capri Casino.

Best refries in the South, according to Doyle

The second most important lesson is that you must always forget you have pocket jacks and pretend they're pocket aces. In fact, the last 97 times I've had pocket jacks, I've gone all-in, and I've won the hand every time except for thirty of them. That's pretty good if you ask me, and it's part of the reason I took first place at the Winter Pot of Gold tournament in December 2006. I had pocket jacks three times at the final table, went all-in every time, and even got some Vietnamese guy to fold his pocket kings. Pocket jacks are a state of mind, you see, so get your mind right and start winning, baby!

Here's your poker forecast for the upcoming week:

Smoky with an 80% chance of thunderstorms in Phil Hellmuth's pants.

A mimosa will definitely bring you good luck and a dark-skinned Bahamian lover with big hands.

Frenchie Schofield has vowed to keep running this series until Steve Liebenthal joins the Uncle Boise crew for Poker Night at Captain Mikey's house. We expect the odds of this happening are around 5%.