Shirtless Dancing Guy (SDG)

A Boise icon in his own right, Shirtless Dancing Guy gets my nomination for President of the club. It's my firmly held belief that SDG probably has a Ph.D. in interpretive dance. Besides his flowing, crane-like movements, he's at every event in Boise involving free music and can always be found center-stage. He's extremely well-prepared for an evening of dancing with ear-plugs, his water bottle, and spray bottles that I hope contain water. SDG is also extremely generous; when he stops to spray himself down to put out the fire he's causing on the dance floor, he'll spray you down, too. Even if you didn't ask for it.

Slow Movement Man (SMM)

For Vice President of the club,
I hereby nominate Slow Movement Man. The only club member approaching SDG's technical mastery, SMM combines elements of the Electric Slide, Hustle, and Twist with moves only seen in Pee Wee's playhouse or after sipping Michael Jackson's Jesus Juice; all performed in quarter time.

SMM's genius lies in his ability to slow any move to an unnatural pace, approximately the same speed FEMA used in New Orleans. An amazing sight to behold, be forewarned that sea turtles can swim laps around Australia and sloths fornicate before SMM finishes a dance.

Ass-Kicking Granny (AKG)

AKG is my favorite dancer and hereby nominated for Master of the Dance. Not only is she the spunky elder statesman of the club, she could probably kick your can any day of the week. AKG's dance moves look like they come straight from a Thai Chi manual, and I think Mr. Miyagi may have stolen them as well.

A little known fact about AKG is that she was Lucy Lui's stunt double in both Charlie's Angels movies.

As if you needed any further proof of AKG's awesomeness, she can also rock a hula hoop.

Flashdance Woman (FDW)

Flash Dance Woman is kin to AKG, which means she shares in the biological glory that is AKG and is therefore herself an icon of awesomeness.

I might be in love with FDW. Perhaps its her self-confident attitude, or it might be her partly see-through top, tight shorts, and rocking body. Either way, she's my nomination for club Treasurer. I'm not sure why Treasurer, but it might have something to do with my nigh-uncontrollable urge to toss several Washingtons her way as she dances. Seriously though, FDW, if you're reading this article,
I love you. Call me. Please.

Hula Hoop Lass (HHL)

Hula Hoop Lass wears leopard print leggings and dances with a hula hoop. Does there need to be any other reason for her to be in the club? Besides, she's a friend of AKG and any friend of hers is a friend of Uncle Boise's.

As Director of Membership, she can put her hoop to good use by spinning it so quickly that she hypnotizes others into joining the club.

I believe that HHL is one of the only members that possesses the necessary qualifications to hold two club positions, so I hereby nominate her for official Costume Designer and her first task will be to make a shirt for SDG.

Hop and Stomp Woman (HSW)

HSW was once an understudy for Michael Flatley but a carelessly discarded thumbtack ended her career. Now, she frequents public venues around town where she inspires dancers of all ages with her dazzling footwork and charm.

As the only dancer in the club whose hands aren't busy defending against an attacking swarm of imaginary gnats, HSW gets my nomination for Secretary. Her meticulous footwork and devotion to her fellow club members inspires me to believe that nary a motion shall escape her, much like the toes of unwary dancers nearby.